enfance.....

This means childhood in french, which I learned from my good friend who lives in Canada.
enfance has played a part in..my character giving way to the coward that it had shaped many years ago.
The whole smoking fiasco I wrote about in my earlier post has got me thinking, and feeling like I should have ripped that cigarette right from his feeble mouth, and said, we will go to the coffe shop to smoke, or we will go home, but it will not be done in this car. It's easy for me to think of 100 different scenarios I could have played out, but when in the moment, I caved under resistance from "the parental units". I am 37 years old, and still, I sometimes feel the guilt of "steamrolling" my parents and scolding them about their filthy habits.

The weekend did get better, once I arrived back in San Jose. Not that the South Bay is the mecca of beauty, but it is home, and it is where the one I love resides. It took me a record 5 hours to get home, which was a far cry from the last trip I made, which only took 3.5 hours to get home. Traffic was heavy, and my little 4 cylinder honda had it tough going over Donner pass. Every time I would gain speed, a slow person would get in the left lane, just as I was starting up a steep grade. I would lose all of my momentum, and those cylinders could only keep me at about 60mph chug, chug, chug.
We saw "must love dogs" which was a very cute movie. a far cry from the crap "war of the worlds" we saw last weekend. We also rented Hide and Seek, which was a decent thriller. Liked it.
I will say that Laura and I have had a string of bad luck, when it comes to annoying sounds close to us during our movie going experiences. Today, there was grandma, sitting 3 seats away from us, smacking on candy. You would not believe the projection of sound grandma made from sucking on whatever candy, cough drop or ice she had in her mouth. the suction she was creating probably could have unclogged a drain. (bad visual, I apologize, but you get the point)

Random thought passing through my head before I retire for the evening......
Charro, she is an awesome guitarist. I havent said much relating to music lately, and though she is someone who because synonomous with "the Love Boat", Charro is 1 mean guitarist. I think we are going to try to see her in Vegas when she is playing there. That would top of the whole "american" experience for me, hoochie coochie in vegas baby!!! just to say I did.
back to packing......

rain in reno

Well, the highlight of my first day in Reno was the rain. It rained hard enough to get my car dirty, and hard enough to make it really muggy by the time I got to the hospital to visit my mom. (thats not the highlight part) the highlight was actually the 2 flashes of lightening and the 3 booms of thunder I heard. This took about 10 minutes, and I felt like I was teased, yet satisfied to hear what I did. Then the wind picked up suddenly, and I thought to myself, YEAH BABY!!! a STORM!!!!!!!!!!! but, it was just the afternoon wind, and the clouds moved eastward to give way to the sun. Well, it was great while it lasted, and I did hear thunder.

Onto other more annoying excerpts from the day....why is it that when your parents get older, they become even more stubborn then you probably were at 16?
So, I dont smoke, and my parents do. have since before I was born. I am taking my dad around shopping, and he says we need to stop by the smoke shop to pick up cigarettes. I say fine, let us go. He takes me (if you know reno, you can imagine the shack this place was) to the DRIVE THROUGH smoke shop. Oh yes, its a dilapidated house, that has a woman who is toothless in the front, and has a voice 2 ocataves lower then Tom Jones, topped of with a Janice Joplin rasp. She opens this crusty window and smiles....Can I help you? We get the cigarettes, and my dad starts opening a pack. I look at him puzzled and try to give him the benifit of the doubt, that he is not going to flare up in my car. He puts the pack down after opening it up, and I am relieved. BUT, this is short lived. He picks up the pack again, and starts to extract a cigarette. I say, "Dad, you cant smoke in my car. I dont allow smoking in the car, do you want to go to the coffee shop just up on the right and you can have a cigarette?" He answers in a way that is completely igonoring my request, saying " oh dont be silly sweetheart, I wont get ashes in the car, and the window's open, the smoke will blow out" I am panicking, and I say again, I dont allow smoking in the car. This is followed by a strike of the match, and the next thing I know, he's smoking!!!! He flat out ignored me, and it wasnt because he didnt hear me. He just didnt think my request made enough sense to him and his habit. I gave up,handed him my juice, said put the butt in this when you are done, and dont throw it out the window! I couldnt believe it!

starstruck by reality

it's 5:00pm, rather warm in Sunnyvale, and I am travelling over 101, on Great America Parkway, as traffic is continuing to build. I have just left work, and my mind randomly wanders again. This time I was thinking about my feelings of when I am being "starstruck". Usually, this happens when a person come into contact with those who hold high profile jobs, such as actors or musicians, high political jobs or pretty much anyone in the limelight.
For me, I have never really experienced this weak kneed, giddy feeling one might get when coming into contact with those in high profile positions. I might be honored to gain knowledge from them, but never was one to be in awe of the mere presence of them. Ahhh, yes, I am familiar with the feeling, but.. this feeling usually happens to me when I am in love.
I was thinking that, when I am in love, I feel like I am so proud to be in the presence of my partner. In my head, I wonder "why everyone isnt in awe like I am". I wonder "why everyone doesnt feel the way I do". Like how can they just carry on through the day without smiling just because that person is alive and in their life. Now, certainly, I would not want the reality of everyone focusing their attention/affection on my partner, I might get a bit jealous or overwhelmed if this were to happen, as anyone probably would. But, my point is that I get giddy just seeing them. When in a crowd, I feel like they stand out, as if they were a flashing neon sign. I start to feel enveloped by joy and enamoured by their existence. Even after the initial "honeymoon phase" starts to settle into more of a established relationship, I still carry those same feelings around. That feeling of pride, and weak knees continues onward, way after the "honeymoon phase" has started to pass. Maybe it's stamina, I dont really know, all I can say is that when I focus my affection and love on my partner, it is without a doubt alive within me. It invigorates me, and I can get silly, giddy, and downright charmed to have them in my life. I will get excited to see them after a long day, as if I am meeting a princess or a prince. The reality is, I am starstruck by the love in my life, and not by the stars who are vacant from it.

selfish and noble

I was thinking this morning and it seems that I am on a bit of a kick to share my inner offerings, and personal thoughts.
This came to me as I was daydreaming to try to escape the hectic morning I am having at work. no particular lead in to this thought, just randomly came to me, as most people that know me, find out just how my random comments can be.
One thing to keep in mind when performing acts of nobility, is that you should be selfish about your motivations.
Doing something because you want others to notice your noble act , puts you in a posititon of expectation. This expectation can easily be thwarted, due to the inaction and little recognigtion you may recieve as a result of your deed.
One must be selfish in thier motivation, act soley based upon making oneself feel better about themselves, and out of a desire to be honest for the sake of nobility and what is right, and just. This seems to be the only true way to achieve inner peace and happiness, which, is a really awesome thing if you experience it.

If Canada can do it , why cant we?

Just read in the news that Canada just passed into law, legalizing Gay marriage. Now, why can we do that? Oh, yeah, our idiot president. I really dont want my blog to get political, so I will refrain from my choice 100 profane words I have to say about Bush and his cronies.
Apparently Canada realizes that love is something not to be feared, and basic rights are still deserved to all people. Wish our country could say the same, but there is an upside......... we have the red neck games, what more could you want? You can bob for pigs feet, or try your luck at the traditional toilet seat toss. Oh yes, this is a real event, and a real festival. Saw it on the news yesterday. visit the homepage.

Red Neck Games

Think Ill go home and start practicing my tossing abilities.

Fish Taco's and Fog

This weekend was sweltering in San Jose. It was also the weekend of the big release of the new Harry Potter book, The Half blood Prince.
Laura and I started the weekend off with a short little trip to Barnes and Noble on Friday evening (late friday evening) to pick up the new Harry Potter book. She got her copy at 12:42 am, and we happily drove home.
Saturday was predicted to be hot. really hot, and neither of us wanted to experience what the weather had in store for the valley, so we decided a movie was first on the agenda. We saw Willy Wonka and it was BY FAR, without a DOUBT, 1000X better then the original. It was wicked, funny, and full of very adult inuendo's and references that are beautifully twisted. Johnny Depp.....the only actor I could ever imagine doing this role. great movie.
So back to where the fish taco's and fog fit into this post. After the movie, it was too hot to go home, so we decided to get in the mini and go to Half Moon Bay where we knew it was at least guaranteed to have some coastal cooling for us. It was a bit stuffy going over 92, but when we got to Half Moon Bay, it was much cooler. I think in the high 60,s and partly foggy. I was pretty hungry by now, since I had only some buttered popcorn at the matinee, and was ready for something else. We looked up and saw the Flying Fish cafe, which looked like a corner dive. She had heard good things about it, so we went to try it out. I was feeling like fish taco's, something I usually dont get, but have started to crave more often now. $2.89 got me the best fish taco I have ever had!!!! sooooo gooood. (I actually had 2) Laura got the shark taco's and we split some crabby cheese bread. The crabby cheese bread was exceedingly good. They put lots more crab on top then I would have expected. Great flavor, and acceptable portions. I wanted to take the Flying Fish home with me, but the resturant wouldn't fit in the mini. :(
We came home, and later that night, since we ate kinda early, I was getting hungry around 8. I decided that my fish taco craving was not over, and I had suggested going to my old standbby eatery, Baja Fresh. I had never tried their fish taco's before, and though I would give them a try. Bad idea, they sucked and I ended up just eating my rice and some of Laura's burrito.
We decided to make a date to go back over the hill early and beach hop Sunday to read our books. We were up and out of the house by 9:30, stopped in Los Gatos for a little Crepe, (actually they were really big, and over filled, so we couldnt eat all of ours) and started up Hwy 1. We stopped at San Gregorio beach first, where it was 61 and really really foggy. (dare I say a little chilly for the convertible and a t-shirt, but I was going to be strong dammit) We read for about 2-3 hours, and decided to go to another beach after a quick pit stop. Most of the beaches were full by now, since it was about 2pm, so we decided to head back south and go to Capitola. It was foggy and in the 60's most of the drive, but AT LEAST we were not dying in the heat of the valley. Phew. As we approached Santa Cruz, the fog was lifted there and it was in the 70's. Still very nice weather, suitable for a happy day. Traffic was crazy around the wharf/boardwalk, and we were both getting really hungry by now. After a quick and easy discussion, we decided we needed to eat, (my stomach growled just as we decided) and set our sights on the Crow's Nest. We arrived there around 4ish, and of course, I needed to make up for the crappy fish taco's last night, so guess what I ordered? yeah, fish taco's. They used mahi mahi, very tasty, and wasnt breaded, which I liked in the fish taco. The tortilla's were dry and flavorless, and tasted like cardboard smells.
It was a very fun weekend, and I suspect I'll have had my fill of fish taco's for now, but next weekend, who knows....
BTW.... when we got back over the hill at 6ish, it was 96 degrees. iichhh.

im always cold, but today Im melting

For those of you that have heard me go on and on about how I love the heat, I am about to make a liar out of myself. I think my climate tolerance has hit a wall. It's a mere 90 degrees today and I am on the verge of being very uncomfortable. Years ago, I lived in sacramento. 100 degrees, 105 degrees all summer long and I was fine. But today, I am not fine. Perhaps it is age, coupled with the fact that excersizing in the heat just isnt fun anymore. I feel a sense of loss, because I just got through telling Laura that I loved the heat, and could never live in S.F. because it's cold and creepy, but then again, that was before the real heat wave of the summer. There is no way I would hike in today's weather, nor do I want to do much of anything but sit and sweat the day away. Where has my tolerance gone? It's sunny and light outside, but riding my bike after work is far from my mind, so I am here, typing away in front of the fan. I actually thought that it would be nice to be along the wharf right now, cool crisp air, and great snuggling weather. Thats another thing that sucks about the heat, you just cant cuddle with your loved ones. the last thing I want when it's 90 is to have another hot body touching mine, and I am a cuddler, so this is torture for me. So, I now have taken a new stance on the heat, I dont like it. I would prefer it between 60 and 80. No hotter, no colder.(unless I choose to visit the snow) I have finally gone to the dark side, and I am no longer the odd person out that loves the heat. :(

who said work couldnt be fun?

Usually, I would not put a post up here about work, but this was an unusual day. Today, we had a "team building" experience, where a group of us carpooled over the hill to Santa Cruz for a hard lesson on the ropes course. I had never done a "ropes course", and my idea of what it was, came striaght out of a survivor episode immunity challenge, where I thought we might have to climb a rope ladder in record time. Well, I did have to climb a ladder, and it did have ropes, but it was far from anything I had seen on survivor.


My first instinct was to say, forget it. Afterall, we were told to only participate what was most comfortable for us emotionally and physically. But, I then thought, I am not going to chicken out, especially in front of all of my peers. I figured if they were going to do it, I could too, whats the worst that could happen?
Well, after a practice go at the giant ladder, I learned that all of my preconceived notions about what looked hard, and who looked strong was all thrown off base. Some of my coworkers looked like body building firemen, who could lift up a person in the palm of their hand, I really thought would scamper up the ladder in record time.

I was dead wrong there. In fact, they had the hardest time getting up. And me, a more then robust gal, made it higher then some of the "strong" guys. Then there were the small, shorter, weak looking men and women, who made it the highest up out of the all of us. It was amazing what people can do, and you would never guess they could do it!


The same was my perception of the next challenge, to climb this tree (that kept getting smaller the higher up you went) to the very top using small staples that were driven into the tree, then balance on a little disk the size of a dinner plate, and jump off the tree to hit a ball suspended in the air. I thought I would be able to do this without any real problem. I was so wrong again. I scaled the tree with real no problem, until I got to the very top. I was able to sit on the small disk, (keep in mind that the tree was moving a slight bit) but the problem was getting my heavy *ss up and balancing to stand up. It's so easy for me to just go from a sitting position to a standing position when I am on the ground. But those very same physical moves, when done 30 feet in the air, become incredibly challenging. I was only able to squat on the disk, my legs were tired and shaking, and I coudn't get all the way up to stand. But, I was still proud I even made it to the top.
I encourage everyone, if given the chance to do something like this, definitely try it. You will surprise yourself in so many ways, and it gives you such a rush to first look at something that seems sooooooo impossible to do, and then exceed what you ever thought was possible.

the lust for lightening

with the arrival of summer, comes my usual boost of energy. My need to be outdoors more, and my anticipation for summer storms. Oh yeah, summer storms, I forget again, I live in California, where there are no storms. There is, well....... the 2 seasons. rain and sun. It's now July, and it's the season of sun. There will be occasional fog, and some wind or a breeze, but no storms. It probably wont rain until November.
Laura and I were just talking about this the other day, on the beauty of the midwest lightening. Coming from the midwest, there are certain summer sounds you become accustomed to and even attached to. Like the sound of crickets in the evening, I could fall asleep to the sounds of them rubbing their little legs together outside of my window. I would feel especially blessed if a storm would brew in the night. From the faintest rumble, would listen to it move closer and closer, until rain started to hit the window, and the heavy bellows began vibrate the house, after each bright flash of lightening. This was both passionate and soothing to me, the rumble, boom and crackle of thunder. It made me feel like you do after a good massage... tingling, relaxed, and just feeling good all around. If there is one thing I miss about living in the midwest, it's the summer storms.

the ghost haircut

well, this weekend I ventured out to get my hair cut by a new person. Now for those of you who dont know, I had the same person doing my hair for about 10+ years. Current circumstances have led me to look for a new stylist. I hadnt any idea of where to start, so, since I live in Campbell, and drive by a "hip" looking salon each day, I figured I would try there.
I went in, with the intention of getting a moderate trim. (hair off my neck, clean up the sides, even out the stragglers, kill the sideburns) You see, I am trying to grow my hair longer, much longer then it is, and I didnt want to chop it off, contrary to what I was chanting in my head all afternoon. It's in that phase where it is ultra stubborn to any type of styling that I try, so I need to just bear with it.
Back to my haircut, or shall I say ghost cut.
So, in the chair I sit, and lots of cutting is going on, I hear scissors snipping, I see hair falling, lots of it infact, I feel the prickly stickery feeling of hair on the back of my neck, the kind you cant seem to ever brush off until you have taken a full blast shower. Everything is telling me that my hair is being cut. I try not to look in the mirror, as I want to be surprised by my transformation. When all the cutting stops, and he tells me he to take a look at his creation.... I peer into the mirror and keep looking, like when you look into your fridge, knowing nothing is in there that you want, but secretly hoping you have missed an item in the last 30 scans that will pop out at you at any moment. Then I exclaim, GREAT. looks great, thanks!
I then proceed to the counter to pay for this haircut that I still dont understand quite yet. I am a little anxious at the pricing, and with good reason. The clerk says, that will be $52.00. I say ok, pay the clerk, give the guy who cut my hair a $7 tip (@15%) because I dont know what is the going rate these days. I am a little stunned. OK, I am a lot stunned. said and done, I have paid 60 bucks for a haircut that doesnt even look like I got it cut. Seriously, I dont know what he did. I still have the sideburns, I have whisps of hair that protrude from the back of my neck. I even thought, does he have a stash of hair that he put on the floor, to make it appear like he cut my hair? Is this a scam? The back looks a little thinner, and well, I can almost see the sides being a little shorter, but I dont know if I am imagining it to be so. Needless to say, I will not be going back to this establishment for a haircut.